padres

As the Padres prepare to face New York this week, I feel the need to remind everyone why all people should despise the Yankee organization.

Honestly guys, I have not been this pumped up about a series in quite some time. I hate this team with a burning passion. I spent today thinking about exactly why I hate them so much and this is what I’ve got for ya:

1. Big spenders. The Yankees are a big money team. Their payroll of more than 209 million is by far the most in baseball. For years now, they’ve had this “outspend everyone” philosophy. Regardless of the cost, they will get their man and fortunately GM Brian Cashman is one of the dumbest minds in baseball and Steinbrenner is even dumber for having failed to realize this and putting the blame on Joe Torre.

2. The Steinbrenner Family. This season George Steinbrenner finally passed on the ownership to his son Hank. While I was under the impression you couldn’t get any worse than George, this spoiled businessman appears to be the biggest douchebag of all time.

Let’s check out this quote from Hank in an interview this April: “Go anywhere in America and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”

Restore the universe to order. Right. I’m glad the Yankees found a leader that so embodies the need they feel to be on top in all aspects of baseball. It’s not enough that they have fans in New York. Their goal is to ruin everyone else’s fun in the process. I’m not about that, which leads to my next point.

3. Yankee Fans. With every other team, even Dodger fans, there is a chance that the person might be legit. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that you can always count on a Yankee fan to be “that guy”. Their fans carry themselves with a sense of entitlement, give off a vibe that they’re far better than you and are usually just greedy people who are only lookin’ out for number one.

4. The New York Media. It isn’t as bad as it was 5-10 years ago, but the media in New York has a tendency to produce incredibly overrated players. The Yankees play in a world where mediocre players become superstars (see Scott Brosius), and stars are turned into instant “hall of famers” (see Derek Jeter). And I still can’t figure out how Jeter won a gold glove when anyone who watches baseball knows he is consistently one of the worst defensive shortstops in the league and is always near the bottom in range factor (stats that judge fielding). It’s the media at work.

5. Jason Giambi. Yes he manages to get his own category simply because of how pathetic he is. I still remember a few years ago seeing him do deodorant commercials where he had a line that said “It never hurts to have a little extra muscle.” All the while, unbeknownst to the American public, he was shooting himself up with steroids. Newsflash Jason: Sometimes it does hurt to have that extra muscle and your post-steroid self hasn’t come close to what you were. I won’t even get started on Roger Clemens, but I’m fairly certain a good majority of their World Series teams from the late 90s were juiced.

6. 1998 World Series Game 1. Let me set the stage for you. Padres-Yankees in the World Series. Big market vs. small market. Good vs. evil. San Diego has jumped out to take the lead on the record-setting Yanks in Game 1. Bases loaded. Mark Langston facing Tino Martinez with 2 outs. 2-2 pitch. Langston throws a perfect strike which is called a ball. The next pitch Martinez sends into the seats, and the stage is set for a Yankee sweep. Call me crazy, but I’ll argue that that call changed the series. You have a young team playing in the World Series for the first time, taking the lead in the hostile environment of Yankee stadium, and then that happens. If that ump makes the right call, maybe we have the momentum we need to take that series.

7. Jeffrey Maier. I’ll never forget this moment in baseball history. In the 1996 AL playoffs, Yankee fan Maier reaches down to catch a ball on the warning track that was headed for Baltimore Oriole Tony Tarasco’s glove. The umps rule it a home run and the Yankees take Game 1 and go on to take the series. Ridiculous.

8. The Yankees just represent so much more than a baseball team to me. They represent everything that is wrong with America. They represent this “win-at-all-costs” attitude, and if they fall short they’re pissed off and looking for people to blame.

At this point in the season, the Yankees are not where they want to be, but they have won four straight and are looking to gain ground on the Red Sox and Rays. This is a perfect opportunity for us to do all of baseball a favor and take these guys out.

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